Control

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Most of us don’t use the word control to describe what we’re doing.

We say things like:

“I’m just trying to keep everything together.”

“I just want things to work out.”

“Someone has to make sure it gets done right.”

But beneath the surface, there is often a hidden anxiety that whispers: “If I don’t control this, everything will fall apart.”

And here is the surprising truth:

The need to control everything is not ultimately a circumstances issue—it’s a self-esteem issue. It reveals how we view ourselves, how we view God, and where we believe our worth comes from.

Romans 12:3 — “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.”

People who struggle with control often carry a hidden lie within them—sometimes formed through pain, trauma, or long years of feeling inadequate.

That lie is: “My value depends on how well I perform.”

So they try to manage every detail. They fear failure not because they are perfectionists, but because failure threatens their identity.

Two opposite self-esteem problems both lead to control:

Over-inflated self-esteem: “I can do this better than anyone.”

Under-inflated self-esteem: “If I don’t do this perfectly, I’m worthless.”

Both lie about who we are and who God is.

When your identity is shaky, you cling harder to control. But here is the good news. The Gospel frees us from the need to control.

Because of Jesus:

We are loved, so we don’t need to prove ourselves.

We are secure, so we don’t need to manage everything.

We are forgiven, so failure doesn’t define us.

We are held by grace, so we can release our grip.

The gospel announces:

Your worth is not determined by how much you can control, but by how much God loves you.

-Boo Scott